You might be driving a Hummer if...
- other cars quickly scatter out of the way when they see you in their rear-view.
- you don't measure fuel efficiency by miles per gallon, but rather gallons per mile.
- military personnel salute you as you drive by.
- it's so large that a dropped wrench will slowly orbit around it.
- even Kragen Auto can't supply you with wiper blade replacements.
- it weighs more than an RV.
- when you return from shopping, you find it has nose and hand prints all over the glass.
- its brake disks are large enough to cook pizzas on.
- you can't reach far enough to slap the person sitting in the passenger seat.
- police and highway patrol pull you over just to ask you questions about your car.
- the cup holders appear to have been designed by Russian scientists for use on the Mir Space Station.
- transporting the service manual requires you to increase your tire pressure due to the additional weight.
- an entire class period can be disrupted by simply driving it into the school parking lot.
- the drive-thru lane at McDonalds is wider now than when you had entered.
- complete strangers appear from nowhere and invite you on hunting trips.
- annoyances like curbs, speed bumps and fire hydrants are no longer a nuisance.
- you come to the conclusion that Miss Manners has done a lousy job based on the number of people who point their fingers at you.
- Jeep owners avoid looking at you.
- the center console is larger than a Buick trunk.
- the glove box is smaller than a Toyota coin tray.
- your left knee has a perpetual bruise on it from pressing against the window control.
- your wife refuses to drive it.
- .your wife refuses to let you drive it.
- you now find khaki and camoflauge clothing fashionable.
- your two-car garage has become a one-car garage.
- you have 7 clever ways of replying to the question, "How much did it cost?" without telling them how much it cost.
- you find that two "compact" parking places are better than one standard parking place.
- you purchase a massive stereo amplification system just so you can hear the stereo.
- it's larger than your friend's apartment.
- the service manuals cost more than your first car did.
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