Things the Movies Taught You...

  1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people--whether they are employed or not.
  2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
  3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
  4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
  5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
  6. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
  7. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
  8. Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
  9. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
  10. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman, but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
  11. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
  12. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
  13. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off--even while scuba diving.
  14. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
  15. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.
  16. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
  17. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
  18. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
  19. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
  20. Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: “Enter Password Now.
  21. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
  22. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
  23. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
  24. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.
  25. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately asigned a partner who is their total opposite.
  26. When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.
  27. If a woman is running away from someone she will trip and fall.
  28. Your car will always start immediately unless you are being chased by a maniacal killer or a monster of genetic creation.
  29. Crazed maniacs have super-human strength.
  30. The suburbs are exciting.
  31. Good guys always shoot better than bad guys.
  32. Good guys are always outnumbered.
  33. Good guys always win and get the girl.
  34. Good guys are always good looking.
  35. Ugly people are always bad guys.
  36. Teenagers who have sex are destined to die in grotesque ways.
  37. There are no ugly women, only ugly men.
  38. Court cases are all solved with a surprise witness.
  39. Good guys are the only ones who have a sense of humor.
  40. Cars will explode in all accidents.
  41. Everyone has a dark secret.
  42. Cream pies are made to be thrown, never eaten.
  43. Haunted houses are never locked.
  44. The police are smart.
  45. Good guys will only get shot in the arm or leg.
  46. All Asian people know Karate.
  47. Murders will always be accompanied by sinister music.
  48. Rich people are unhappy and evil.
  49. Teenagers are smarter than their parents.
  50. Indians make good cannon fodder.
  51. Thunderstorms spontaneously create murders.
  52. Computers never crash.
  53. Teenagers can access any computer by using their PC's.
  54. Computers know everything.
  55. The same 2 keys are used to do everything
  56. The user is typing constantly just to display screens of info
  57. When someone is dead or dying, there will be a trickle of blood from the corner of their mouth.
  58. No one farts, except after eating beans.
  59. Nothing cures the blues like killing 30 or 40 bad guys.
  60. Bad guys make elaborate inventions to kill the good guys, but never stick around to see if it works.
  61. Christmas Eve and Halloween night last for three or four days.
  62. Movies based on true stories are made up.
  63. Police never wait for back-up.
  64. Undercover cops are too good to be spotted.
  65. Private detective work is glamorous.
  66. All baseball games will be won with a home run in the bottom of the ninth and two outs.
  67. All police killings are in self-defense.
  68. Everyone wins in Las Vegas.
  69. Good guys don't do drugs.
  70. The world is teeming with voluptuous, young women who are desperate to have sex with pennyless young guys.
  71. Nobody ever has trouble finding good parking spots when they are in a hurry.
  72. High School students look thirty years old.
  73. Women never do housework, but their homes are always clean.
  74. Street vendors' carts are magnetically attracted to high-speed car chases.
  75. Everyone knows how to pick a lock with one tool.
  76. To kill a vampire, you must set out 5 min before sunset.
  77. Nobody ever realizes until the end of a monster movie, that everyone that went into that dark cellar never came out.
  78. The group always splits up to look for the alien.
  79. The last 5 minutes of any TV show will explain the entire plot.
  80. The last 5 minutes of any TV show will be stretched out for 20 minutes with commercials.
  81. The crazed killer always steps out from behind the door without the victim seeing or hearing him until he is about to drive a huge carving knife or pitchfork into them.
  82. Whenever someone hears a noise in the dark they always have to check it out.
  83. The crazed killer always walks and still catches the person he wants to kill.
  84. All people chasing someone can catch up to a constant distance behind them quickly, but can't use that speed to actually catch the person they're chasing.
  85. No-one ever locks a car when they get out of it (even in New York).

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