Things the Movies Taught You...
- Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people--whether they are employed or not.
- At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
- Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
- Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
- It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
- When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
- If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
- Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
- Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
- All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman, but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
- All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
- It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
- Once applied, lipstick will never rub off--even while scuba diving.
- You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
- Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.
- The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
- A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
- If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
- If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
- Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: “Enter Password Now.
- Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
- All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
- A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
- If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.
- Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately asigned a partner who is their total opposite.
- When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.
- If a woman is running away from someone she will trip and fall.
- Your car will always start immediately unless you are being chased by a maniacal killer or a monster of genetic creation.
- Crazed maniacs have super-human strength.
- The suburbs are exciting.
- Good guys always shoot better than bad guys.
- Good guys are always outnumbered.
- Good guys always win and get the girl.
- Good guys are always good looking.
- Ugly people are always bad guys.
- Teenagers who have sex are destined to die in grotesque ways.
- There are no ugly women, only ugly men.
- Court cases are all solved with a surprise witness.
- Good guys are the only ones who have a sense of humor.
- Cars will explode in all accidents.
- Everyone has a dark secret.
- Cream pies are made to be thrown, never eaten.
- Haunted houses are never locked.
- The police are smart.
- Good guys will only get shot in the arm or leg.
- All Asian people know Karate.
- Murders will always be accompanied by sinister music.
- Rich people are unhappy and evil.
- Teenagers are smarter than their parents.
- Indians make good cannon fodder.
- Thunderstorms spontaneously create murders.
- Computers never crash.
- Teenagers can access any computer by using their PC's.
- Computers know everything.
- The same 2 keys are used to do everything
- The user is typing constantly just to display screens of info
- When someone is dead or dying, there will be a trickle of blood from the corner of their mouth.
- No one farts, except after eating beans.
- Nothing cures the blues like killing 30 or 40 bad guys.
- Bad guys make elaborate inventions to kill the good guys, but never stick around to see if it works.
- Christmas Eve and Halloween night last for three or four days.
- Movies based on true stories are made up.
- Police never wait for back-up.
- Undercover cops are too good to be spotted.
- Private detective work is glamorous.
- All baseball games will be won with a home run in the bottom of the ninth and two outs.
- All police killings are in self-defense.
- Everyone wins in Las Vegas.
- Good guys don't do drugs.
- The world is teeming with voluptuous, young women who are desperate to have sex with pennyless young guys.
- Nobody ever has trouble finding good parking spots when they are in a hurry.
- High School students look thirty years old.
- Women never do housework, but their homes are always clean.
- Street vendors' carts are magnetically attracted to high-speed car chases.
- Everyone knows how to pick a lock with one tool.
- To kill a vampire, you must set out 5 min before sunset.
- Nobody ever realizes until the end of a monster movie, that everyone that went into that dark cellar never came out.
- The group always splits up to look for the alien.
- The last 5 minutes of any TV show will explain the entire plot.
- The last 5 minutes of any TV show will be stretched out for 20 minutes with commercials.
- The crazed killer always steps out from behind the door without the victim seeing or hearing him until he is about to drive a huge carving knife or pitchfork into them.
- Whenever someone hears a noise in the dark they always have to check it out.
- The crazed killer always walks and still catches the person he wants to kill.
- All people chasing someone can catch up to a constant distance behind them quickly, but can't use that speed to actually catch the person they're chasing.
- No-one ever locks a car when they get out of it (even in New York).
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