It's Time to Slow Down When

1. Guests to your home no longer question the pillow and blanket lying next to your commode.
2. You are surprised to find out that not everyone uses Maalox on their Cheerios.
3. You are served divorce papers, and can't even recall attending a wedding.
4. During a visit to your Doctor, you notice that your blood type is listed as "Flammable".
5. You receive a gift certificate to the Betty Ford Clinic, from a Colombian drug cartel.
6. Your IRS 1040 form, shows 19 brewery workers listed as dependants. (And the Auditor approves it)
7. You consider Tylenol one of the four Food Groups. (The other three being: Budweiser, Rolaids, and Pretzels.)
8. You pick up your mail at the local Bar.
9. Dr. Kevorkian sends you a Get Well card.
10. You fail to show up for lunch, and the Bartender sends people to your house to check on your well-being.
11. Your local hangout has three drinks named after you.
12. You are so emaciated that you are in danger of falling through your bum and hanging yourself.
13. While giving blood at the Red Cross, you notice that they are pumping it in instead.
14. You have three legitimate sounding reasons to have a short straw in your wallet.
15. You see yourself profiled on America's Most Wanted, and don't have a clue.
16. You know the Bail-Bondsman's home phone number.
17. You hold the top three places in your State's breathalyzer records.
18. You receive W-2 forms from more than 9 different employers at the end of the year.
19. You realize that every time you sneeze, it costs you 40 bucks.
20. Your grocery list for the week consists of two words. "Top Ramen"
21. You meet a Nun while walking down the street, and she punches you in the mouth.
22. You are offered a modeling job as the "Before" person in an ad.

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